Warrior Mode Activated

You wanna know the secret to a successful recovery? Surround yourself with people who are willing to pray for you daily, cook you delicious meals, send you gift cards and check up on you frequently. I've not had one day that there haven't been multiple people checking in on me. I feel very blessed.  I had my post-op appointment and it went very well. The goal of the surgery has been accomplished and now I just need to continue to heal. I won't lie, it was a bit traumatic waking up this time. I ended up needing a breathing treatment in recovery right after waking up coughing and gasping. I'm not really sure why. I heard the nurse tell me I had a very difficult intubation. I guess that had something to do with it. I hope I can find out somehow. I haven't been in a lot of pain. That is thanks to me already being fairly numb from previous surgeries. The biggest effect has been soreness from non-stop coughing and just being plain tired. The coughing is starting to get be...

Well, it is done! I've had a peek at my incisions and they don't look too bad! I am in a bit of pain, but I'd put it at a solid 5.5 when the meds wear off. I've got reminders set on my phone so I don't forget to take them.  I didn't sleep much last night. I kept having nightmares about the surgery. I got up at 2:30 and prayed for God to take away the anxiety and was able to go back to sleep (without dreams!). I got up at 5:00am because I couldn't sleep any longer. I cleaned the kitchen, and both bathrooms then washed some clothes and made sure I had everything ready for the day, and then got myself ready. I was definitely ready for a rest when I got to the surgery center, LOL! The surgery went well, according to Scott. The Dr. spoke to him since I was unlikely to remember anything. Waking up was quite unpleasant though. I woke up coughing and gasping for breath & feeling like someone punched me in the mouth. The nurse sat me up quickly and called the ane...

 As I sit here tonight thinking about my upcoming surgery on Friday, I feel a mixture of things...grateful to be alive, thankful for the prayers of my family & friends, thankful that I am still cancer-free, nervous about anesthesia, dreading the pain I know I will be in when I wake up, but anxious to get it all over with and behind me. This too shall pass. The last four and half years have been the hardest of my life. Doctors, treatments, tests, appointments, procedures, surgeries, medications, pain, depression, panic attacks, and a lifetime of disability...no longer having a whole body. I cannot deny it has caused me a degree of trauma that will be with me forever. There are still certain things that cause me PTSD, like the antiseptic taste you get in your mouth when the nurse flushes your IV (or port) with saline or even the smell of the antibacterial soap they use in the hospital. It can throw me right back to angry red bags of chemo, my hair falling out, and feeling like m...