Good News...
I got a bit of good news today! My test results for my CA 125 test came back. That is a blood test that measures the amount of the protein CA 125 (cancer antigen 125) in your blood. It is a test to look for signs of ovarian cancer in people who are at a high risk for the disease. Because my genetic test was positive for the breast cancer gene, it puts me at high risk for ovarian cancer as well. The normal range for this is less than 35U/mL. Mine was 15U/mL. This is good! I will still have an ultrasound on my ovaries but this is very good news! I like good news! :)
I also had my teeth cleaned today and guess what? No cavities thank you very much! I know...I do need to floss more and I promise I will! It's important to keep your teeth healthy during chemo and so I shall add that to the list!
I do feel a bit guilty though. Today as I was leaving the dentist the sweet girl at the desk commented on how long my hair had gotten. Before I even thought I said, "Yes, well not for long" and she looked up at me surprised and asked why. I told her I would be going through chemo soon and I'd be bald. She was shattered and started apologizing. I immediately told her it was ok and joked I was going to buy a hot pink punk rocker wig to wear. Thankfully she smiled at that. Goodness, I don't seem to be able to control what I say these days. I must try harder! I read a blog from a cancer survivor recently who said she had to "break up" with her hair so that she could face losing it. "It's not you, it's me," she said to her hair in the mirror. "I've got to go it alone for a while, but maybe one day in the future we can get back together," she told her hair. I think I've begun that process as well. The hot flashes that are just a few degrees short of the middle of hell are helping. Very soon I am getting it cut short. Something cute and easy to style until I make the breakup final. And when this is all over and it starts to come back, I will have hair as undamaged and soft as a baby...of course, it will probably be white. *sigh*
My best friend in the whole wide world is coming to spend a week with me! She will be here Saturday. I am so excited for her to come! I HATE the reason she's coming but I am also very thankful that she will be with me at my upcoming appointments. She's worked in Drs. offices for years, knows everything about insurance and can help us ask the right questions. I can't wait to see her!!
My mom made me a pillow for after my surgery. I saw them on Etsy and so she made a pattern, bought some pretty fabric and made it! She will bring it once I have a surgery date. It fits across your chest and has cutouts to go under your arms and it's to use in the car to protect you from the seatbelt until you heal. I can also use it around the house. Yay!! I am so blessed to have a mom who sews! Mom & Dad also sent me a fabulous, soft, cozy blanket that is purple and has encouraging words all over it. It's twin size and I can cuddle up under it when I am not feeling well.
I honestly cannot wait for my appointment with the oncologist on Monday. He is the Dr who will be coordinating the plan for treatment. I just want to get on with it. I feel like every day is another day the cancer has a chance to grow. I know it's growing slowly but I want it gone!
The rest of this week we have to get things in order...make sure the house is clean, wash all the sheets, scrub the bathrooms, sweep the screened porch, give the dogs a bath. I have no idea how soon treatment will start or if they will change their minds and do surgery first and I just want to start off with a clean house...and clean dogs! LOL!
I cried all the way to work this morning and I'm not even sure what brought it on. I was ok by the time I got there though and held it together for the rest of the day. I had one brief moment of anxiety that just pounced on me for no reason, but I whispered a prayer..."God help me" and it soon subsided. Our prayers don't have to be all formal with thee's and thou's for God to hear them. He is a whisper away.
I have spoken those three simple words over and over again since the day the Dr. called to tell me I had breast cancer. When she said it, I nearly dropped the phone. My voice became a whisper. My whole body began to shake as I replied, "Yes, I'll be there," when she asked if I could come see her at 4:00 that day. She told me she was so very sorry and I whispered, "Thank you," and hung up. The first words out of my mouth were "Oh God...help me." I have never, ever cried like that. It came from the very depths of my soul, from the most primal fear I have ever felt, and I could barely speak for the wailing as I called Scott and asked him to come home.
It is ok to just "lose it" sometimes. God knows me and He knew I was going to lose it. My boys, then my husband, then my dear friend Laurie showed up at my door and they were the hands, the arms of God holding on to me, telling me it was going to be ok. They lifted my face and brushed away my tears and reminded me who is in control, who has me in the palm of His hand, who loves me and will never, ever leave me. They wrestled me back from the fear. Mercy I'm blessed to have them!
Today's Prayer Requests:
I also had my teeth cleaned today and guess what? No cavities thank you very much! I know...I do need to floss more and I promise I will! It's important to keep your teeth healthy during chemo and so I shall add that to the list!
I do feel a bit guilty though. Today as I was leaving the dentist the sweet girl at the desk commented on how long my hair had gotten. Before I even thought I said, "Yes, well not for long" and she looked up at me surprised and asked why. I told her I would be going through chemo soon and I'd be bald. She was shattered and started apologizing. I immediately told her it was ok and joked I was going to buy a hot pink punk rocker wig to wear. Thankfully she smiled at that. Goodness, I don't seem to be able to control what I say these days. I must try harder! I read a blog from a cancer survivor recently who said she had to "break up" with her hair so that she could face losing it. "It's not you, it's me," she said to her hair in the mirror. "I've got to go it alone for a while, but maybe one day in the future we can get back together," she told her hair. I think I've begun that process as well. The hot flashes that are just a few degrees short of the middle of hell are helping. Very soon I am getting it cut short. Something cute and easy to style until I make the breakup final. And when this is all over and it starts to come back, I will have hair as undamaged and soft as a baby...of course, it will probably be white. *sigh*
My best friend in the whole wide world is coming to spend a week with me! She will be here Saturday. I am so excited for her to come! I HATE the reason she's coming but I am also very thankful that she will be with me at my upcoming appointments. She's worked in Drs. offices for years, knows everything about insurance and can help us ask the right questions. I can't wait to see her!!
My mom made me a pillow for after my surgery. I saw them on Etsy and so she made a pattern, bought some pretty fabric and made it! She will bring it once I have a surgery date. It fits across your chest and has cutouts to go under your arms and it's to use in the car to protect you from the seatbelt until you heal. I can also use it around the house. Yay!! I am so blessed to have a mom who sews! Mom & Dad also sent me a fabulous, soft, cozy blanket that is purple and has encouraging words all over it. It's twin size and I can cuddle up under it when I am not feeling well.
I honestly cannot wait for my appointment with the oncologist on Monday. He is the Dr who will be coordinating the plan for treatment. I just want to get on with it. I feel like every day is another day the cancer has a chance to grow. I know it's growing slowly but I want it gone!
The rest of this week we have to get things in order...make sure the house is clean, wash all the sheets, scrub the bathrooms, sweep the screened porch, give the dogs a bath. I have no idea how soon treatment will start or if they will change their minds and do surgery first and I just want to start off with a clean house...and clean dogs! LOL!
I cried all the way to work this morning and I'm not even sure what brought it on. I was ok by the time I got there though and held it together for the rest of the day. I had one brief moment of anxiety that just pounced on me for no reason, but I whispered a prayer..."God help me" and it soon subsided. Our prayers don't have to be all formal with thee's and thou's for God to hear them. He is a whisper away.
I have spoken those three simple words over and over again since the day the Dr. called to tell me I had breast cancer. When she said it, I nearly dropped the phone. My voice became a whisper. My whole body began to shake as I replied, "Yes, I'll be there," when she asked if I could come see her at 4:00 that day. She told me she was so very sorry and I whispered, "Thank you," and hung up. The first words out of my mouth were "Oh God...help me." I have never, ever cried like that. It came from the very depths of my soul, from the most primal fear I have ever felt, and I could barely speak for the wailing as I called Scott and asked him to come home.
It is ok to just "lose it" sometimes. God knows me and He knew I was going to lose it. My boys, then my husband, then my dear friend Laurie showed up at my door and they were the hands, the arms of God holding on to me, telling me it was going to be ok. They lifted my face and brushed away my tears and reminded me who is in control, who has me in the palm of His hand, who loves me and will never, ever leave me. They wrestled me back from the fear. Mercy I'm blessed to have them!
Today's Prayer Requests:
- Praise that my CA125 test was normal!
- Pray for my daughter-in-law as she leaves for a mission trip to Moldova tomorrow. Please pray for their safety and that their trip will be fruitful.
- Pray for my daughter-in-law's parents who are on a trip out west and had to leave Yosemite when it was evacuated due to the forest fires out there. They are making the best of their trip now in Monterey, CA.
- Pray for my Aunt Ann, who is also battling cancer & my Uncle Andy.
- Praise that I had no cavities and was able to get my teeth cleaned before chemo starts.
- Pray for my BFF, Suzie, that she will have safe travels here.
- Please pray for my next appointment which will be with my Oncologist. Pray that the treatment plan he chooses will be exactly what I need to kick this cancer to the curb once and for all.
- Pray that I will be able to get as much leave from work as I need and that our financial needs will be met throughout this process.
Verse for the Day:
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