Yesterday's Trials...Today's Blessings...
Today was painful. I had 2 biopsies yesterday. One on a spot just above the last on the right side and one of a lymph node under my right arm. I am very swollen and bruised and it hurts like mad. On the left side, I had 4 cysts aspirated to make certain that's all they were. Unfortunately, when she did the lymph node biopsy she hit a blood vessel and it splattered all over me, up my neck, into my hair. Now, I have raised three boys so the sight of blood doesn't usually phase me much but I guess it's different when it's your own. I still feel queasy thinking about it. It took a while to stop the bleeding so I had to lay there for what seemed like forever with someone pressing very hard on the very spot I didn't want them to press. Needless to say the seatbelt in my car was not my friend today. I need some sort of cushion for that strap that's for sure! I took my ice pack with me to work and it helped a little. It hurts. This is definitely gonna take a while to recover from.
While there I asked if my genetic test results were back and so after the procedure, the Dr. went to check. She came back with a concerned look on her face and I knew immediately. The results were positive for the breast cancer gene. This changes the plan. She put me in a room afterward and came in to talk with me. Being positive for this gene puts me at a much higher risk of recurrence in both breasts and thus they recommend a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. To be honest, I was leaning in that direction no matter what so it was not that big of a shock for her to recommend it. However, what was a shock was the news that because of this gene I am also at a high risk for developing ovarian cancer and so, after I am recovered from the breast cancer, I will need to have my ovaries removed or if I choose, a total hysterectomy. The next year or two of my life is going to suck and there are no two ways about it, but if it means I get to live to see my grandchildren and be an old lady, then so be it. Bring it on.
Tomorrow my Dr. has promised to call with results of the biopsies and hopefully a plan. She said either surgery then chemo or chemo then surgery. I really am hoping for surgery first. I'd like to get that over with already. I have a feeling it might end up being the other way around. I am truly dreading losing my hair. Under this full head of hair lies a bumpy head. I've never liked wearing hats. They bug me. I guess I will just have to get over it. Right now I can't imagine just walking around with my bald head hanging out. I'd feel naked, LOL! Ugh.
I cannot tell you all how much the messages of support and prayers mean to me. I know you all are praying for me and I will be forever grateful for it. Keep them coming! I am going to need them more and more as I head down this road to healing. They do make a difference!! Don't stop!!
I have gotten some answers I didn't want. But at the same time, all in all, the prognosis is good. The cancer is small, it was caught early, and even though I am positive for the breast cancer gene, a double mastectomy brings my chances of recurrence right back down to something I can live with.
I have to mention here that I have the most wonderful boss. (No I'm not trying to brown nose) She has been so supportive and is helping me in so many ways. I am blessed and I know it! My sweet supervisor and my coworkers are wonderful and supportive and they are all taking very good care of me. God is answering your prayers in so many ways. This is one of them!
I went to speak with a nice lady in HR today who helped me understand my options for applying for shared leave, temporary disability, etc. She is a breast cancer survivor as well. I have filled out so much paperwork for insurance and such that I feel like I am buying a house all over again! She was very kind and understanding and helped me feel a lot better about what lies ahead. Another blessing.
Some may ask how on earth I can find a blessing in this absolutely horrible situation I find myself in. It is not always easy. I often fail and start to feel desperate, but God has been reassuring me little by little. He has prepared a path for me and though it may be through the fire, I know that He will be with me all the way through it. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This is gonna suck, but I am determined to beat it. To those that are closest to me, please just remind me of that when I lose sight of it because I will. I may cry and scream for a little bit but with your help, I will get back on track and back on the warpath. Thank you loved ones for your prayers on my behalf!
Today's Prayer Requests:
1. That my Dr. will call with a plan tomorrow.
2. That the plan will begin ASAP.
3. Begin praying now for our financial situation in the coming months.
4. Pray for my family.
5. Praise that my Aunt Joan is better and home from the hospital!
6. Pray for strength, stamina, and bravery for me.
Today's Verse:
While there I asked if my genetic test results were back and so after the procedure, the Dr. went to check. She came back with a concerned look on her face and I knew immediately. The results were positive for the breast cancer gene. This changes the plan. She put me in a room afterward and came in to talk with me. Being positive for this gene puts me at a much higher risk of recurrence in both breasts and thus they recommend a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. To be honest, I was leaning in that direction no matter what so it was not that big of a shock for her to recommend it. However, what was a shock was the news that because of this gene I am also at a high risk for developing ovarian cancer and so, after I am recovered from the breast cancer, I will need to have my ovaries removed or if I choose, a total hysterectomy. The next year or two of my life is going to suck and there are no two ways about it, but if it means I get to live to see my grandchildren and be an old lady, then so be it. Bring it on.
Tomorrow my Dr. has promised to call with results of the biopsies and hopefully a plan. She said either surgery then chemo or chemo then surgery. I really am hoping for surgery first. I'd like to get that over with already. I have a feeling it might end up being the other way around. I am truly dreading losing my hair. Under this full head of hair lies a bumpy head. I've never liked wearing hats. They bug me. I guess I will just have to get over it. Right now I can't imagine just walking around with my bald head hanging out. I'd feel naked, LOL! Ugh.
I cannot tell you all how much the messages of support and prayers mean to me. I know you all are praying for me and I will be forever grateful for it. Keep them coming! I am going to need them more and more as I head down this road to healing. They do make a difference!! Don't stop!!
I have gotten some answers I didn't want. But at the same time, all in all, the prognosis is good. The cancer is small, it was caught early, and even though I am positive for the breast cancer gene, a double mastectomy brings my chances of recurrence right back down to something I can live with.
I have to mention here that I have the most wonderful boss. (No I'm not trying to brown nose) She has been so supportive and is helping me in so many ways. I am blessed and I know it! My sweet supervisor and my coworkers are wonderful and supportive and they are all taking very good care of me. God is answering your prayers in so many ways. This is one of them!
I went to speak with a nice lady in HR today who helped me understand my options for applying for shared leave, temporary disability, etc. She is a breast cancer survivor as well. I have filled out so much paperwork for insurance and such that I feel like I am buying a house all over again! She was very kind and understanding and helped me feel a lot better about what lies ahead. Another blessing.
Some may ask how on earth I can find a blessing in this absolutely horrible situation I find myself in. It is not always easy. I often fail and start to feel desperate, but God has been reassuring me little by little. He has prepared a path for me and though it may be through the fire, I know that He will be with me all the way through it. I'm not gonna sugar coat it. This is gonna suck, but I am determined to beat it. To those that are closest to me, please just remind me of that when I lose sight of it because I will. I may cry and scream for a little bit but with your help, I will get back on track and back on the warpath. Thank you loved ones for your prayers on my behalf!
Today's Prayer Requests:
1. That my Dr. will call with a plan tomorrow.
2. That the plan will begin ASAP.
3. Begin praying now for our financial situation in the coming months.
4. Pray for my family.
5. Praise that my Aunt Joan is better and home from the hospital!
6. Pray for strength, stamina, and bravery for me.
Today's Verse:
Your bravery & courage is shining. Hang in & hang on friend!! Hugs, kisses & many, prayers..
ReplyDeleteCindy B.