The Half Way Point...

I haven't felt much like writing lately. It's been a rough few weeks to say the least. I am so thankful that we didn't sustain terrible damage from the hurricane. As it is, we just had a couple trees down, some fencing and missing shingles. My fourth treatment (and last red devil) was able to go ahead without delay thankfully. I'm glad it's over and glad to know I will never have to have another one of those in my life! It left me flat on my back, horribly nauseous, my mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton and every inch of my skin felt like it was severely bruised.  To make matters worse, our AC decided to die. It was 85 inside the house this week. Thankfully, they were able to get it fixed yesterday! Today, Friday, I have finally turned the corner. I still can't taste anything, but I did eat and this afternoon, after the rain stopped, I actually floated in the pool for a while. When I came back in I felt like someone had drained all my energy so I am currently back in bed resting. I have continually thanked God this week that we have a house still standing so that I can have the luxury of resting in my bed. So many don't have that after all the flooding.

As you may have noticed I am a bit down right now. I am glad that I am halfway through my treatments but at the same time, doing it four more times seems impossible.  Praise the Lord it is working and the tumors are now undetectable. If it wasn't working I'm not certain I'd have the strength to continue on with it. This is undoubtedly the hardest thing I have ever been through and I pray constantly that God will help me be strong enough. I pray that one day there is a way to treat cancer that doesn't involve poisoning someone to the brink of death in order to kill the cancer.

I keep crying at the silliest things. Yesterday, they kept showing shampoo commercials. These ladies with beautiful, thick, shiny hair and suddenly I was bawling. I miss my hair. It was quite nice if I do say so myself. I want it back. Being bald is uncomfortable, at least for me. I know it'll grow back, but it will be a year or more before I have any semblance of a "hairdo" that doesn't look weird. Yep, I'm being vain. I know it. I guess I'm just in a mood to yell and scream and have a bit of a tantrum because I don't want to be doing this "cancer thing". I'm writing this down and being honest about it because someone may read this one day and it will make them feel better knowing they aren't the only one who has felt this way. I'm all for being positive and that is what I am 90% of the time, but it is important to know that you won't always feel positive. Sometimes it just plain sucks. Sometimes,  you want to yell and ask God "Why?" Sometimes you just want to cry for a while because nobody else in your life really knows how it feels...and that's ok too. Just don't get stuck there. There is an end date to my chemo treatments.  In 8 more weeks I'll be done and then I'll have my surgery.  I'm hoping by Christmas I will be recuperating and leaving this horrible time in my life behind me. 

There is no doubt this experience has changed me drastically. I'll never be the same as before. I am stronger in my faith, kinder, calmer, more patient and determined to show other's the love of Christ and more grateful for the blessings I've been given and I am very, VERY thankful for all of you, loved ones. You've taken care of us, fed us, prayed for us, encouraged us, and helped us in so many ways. You have been the hands of Christ to us and we praise God for each of you.

Our little town has a long way to go to heal after the hurricane. I so wish I was able to be helpful. Unfortunately, that is not possible right now. I've seen wonderful stories of people helping each other and they thankfully outnumber the bad stories. As our town recovers, be kind to each other loved ones. Be patient. Be understanding. Be compassionate. Be helpful. Be the hands of Christ to each other. And, if you find you can't be any of those things, then be quiet until you can. This is a time where you can make a true difference in people's lives, where you can show them the unconditional love of Christ. Don't waste it.

Today's Prayer Requests:

1. Pray for those affected by the hurricane. Especially those who have been displaced from their homes. Some are living in tents and have lost everything.
2. Pray for the relief workers, public servants and volunteers who are here to help.
3. Pray for our NHCS admin, personnel, teachers, assistants, and especially the students who have been displaced and will have to relocate because of hurricane damage to our schools. 
4. Praise that I am halfway through treatment.
5. Pray the next four treatments will not affect me as badly.
6. Pray for my family.
7. Pray for me to be strong, courageous, stay well and stay positive. 

Today's Verse: