Endurance, Character, Hope...
"Having faith does not mean having no difficulties, but having the strength to face them knowing we are not alone." ~ Pope Francis
I've had several people recently tell me I am strong. I'm not. If there is any strength in me, it comes from God. After 4 months of wretched chemo, the only way I'm still standing is because I know that I am not alone. Every day I must make the conscious decision to place my faith and trust in God. I'm not claiming to have it all figured out. There are still days that I let fear take over. Thankfully, those days have gotten fewer and fewer. My prayer is that by being honest about my journey, it will help others facing trials.
It is Friday evening, November 16, 2018. On Monday, I will have my last chemo. I cannot wait for it to be over! Last night I had a horrible time trying to sleep. My fingers were hurting really bad and they kept falling asleep. I realized about 1am that it must be the effects of the last chemo. I have prayed that I would not experience an peripheral neuropathy, but I am certain now that is what I am dealing with. I just pray that it is temporary and once the chemo is out of my system it will go away. My feet have not really bothered me but I have noticed that my hands are more sensitive to hot water and when I grip anything tightly they burn. On the 3rd and 4th day after the last chemo, my thumbs both felt like they'd been hit with a hammer, but that seems to have gone away now. Please pray with me about this. I don't want this to become a chronic issue.
I have now lost nearly all my eyebrows and eyelashes. It stinks but there's nothing I can do about it. I tried applying some false eyelashes last week and finally gave up. I hope they grow back quickly. The most upsetting thing is that when I'm not wearing makeup or my wig I really, REALLY look like a cancer patient...just plain sick. Actually, Voldemort (He who shall not be named from Harry Potter) comes to mind. At least I still have a nose! LOL! Gotta find something positive!
I wrapped some Christmas presents today (thank you Amazon!) and it completely exhausted me. I was dripping with sweat. I have never been someone who sweated at all and that has often caused me to overheat and feel sick. But now, I sweat if I fold a load of clothes!! It is SO annoying! My chemo nurse said that the chemo meds throw you straight into menopause so I suppose that's part of it as well. Hot flashes are not for sissies! My long dormant sweat glands have been awakened and all I can say is GROSS!
It's hard to believe that in 1 month I will be having my mastectomy and immediate reconstruction. I am not looking forward to the pain but even more so I am not looking forward to the pain meds. They make me feel terrible but they are also a necessary evil for a short time. I just want it done! I'm supposed to hear from my GYN very soon about scheduling a hysterectomy the first part of February. I have to have this done because I tested positive for the BRCA2 breast cancer gene and that makes it more likely that I could develop ovarian cancer. I could opt to just have my ovaries taken out, but I've chosen to have a full hysterectomy because #1. I don't need it anymore and #2. I don't want to have to worry about uterine or cervical cancer later on either! Once that is done I am hoping to be able to return to work the first of March and get on with a "normal" life!!
Some parts of this journey have been really horrible and some parts have been joyous. It has changed me forever in so many ways and it's not done with me yet. I just pray that the rest of it goes as smoothly as possible and I am eventually able to move on with life.
My parents will be here a couple days before my surgery and I am so thankful for that. We'll have a full house for Christmas! I'm pretty excited about that! It feels weird to not have anything at all to do with our Living Christmas Tree this year though. I've not written any scripts or learned any songs. I really have no idea what they are even doing. I can't sing anyway right now. My singing voice is nonexistent. Hopefully, it will return once this is all over. Keep Scott in your prayers as he directs. My surgery is on Dec. 14 and the Tree begins the day after! He will be stressed I'm sure, but knowing my parents are here to take care of me will help!
This weeks prayer requests:
I've had several people recently tell me I am strong. I'm not. If there is any strength in me, it comes from God. After 4 months of wretched chemo, the only way I'm still standing is because I know that I am not alone. Every day I must make the conscious decision to place my faith and trust in God. I'm not claiming to have it all figured out. There are still days that I let fear take over. Thankfully, those days have gotten fewer and fewer. My prayer is that by being honest about my journey, it will help others facing trials.
It is Friday evening, November 16, 2018. On Monday, I will have my last chemo. I cannot wait for it to be over! Last night I had a horrible time trying to sleep. My fingers were hurting really bad and they kept falling asleep. I realized about 1am that it must be the effects of the last chemo. I have prayed that I would not experience an peripheral neuropathy, but I am certain now that is what I am dealing with. I just pray that it is temporary and once the chemo is out of my system it will go away. My feet have not really bothered me but I have noticed that my hands are more sensitive to hot water and when I grip anything tightly they burn. On the 3rd and 4th day after the last chemo, my thumbs both felt like they'd been hit with a hammer, but that seems to have gone away now. Please pray with me about this. I don't want this to become a chronic issue.
I have now lost nearly all my eyebrows and eyelashes. It stinks but there's nothing I can do about it. I tried applying some false eyelashes last week and finally gave up. I hope they grow back quickly. The most upsetting thing is that when I'm not wearing makeup or my wig I really, REALLY look like a cancer patient...just plain sick. Actually, Voldemort (He who shall not be named from Harry Potter) comes to mind. At least I still have a nose! LOL! Gotta find something positive!
I wrapped some Christmas presents today (thank you Amazon!) and it completely exhausted me. I was dripping with sweat. I have never been someone who sweated at all and that has often caused me to overheat and feel sick. But now, I sweat if I fold a load of clothes!! It is SO annoying! My chemo nurse said that the chemo meds throw you straight into menopause so I suppose that's part of it as well. Hot flashes are not for sissies! My long dormant sweat glands have been awakened and all I can say is GROSS!
It's hard to believe that in 1 month I will be having my mastectomy and immediate reconstruction. I am not looking forward to the pain but even more so I am not looking forward to the pain meds. They make me feel terrible but they are also a necessary evil for a short time. I just want it done! I'm supposed to hear from my GYN very soon about scheduling a hysterectomy the first part of February. I have to have this done because I tested positive for the BRCA2 breast cancer gene and that makes it more likely that I could develop ovarian cancer. I could opt to just have my ovaries taken out, but I've chosen to have a full hysterectomy because #1. I don't need it anymore and #2. I don't want to have to worry about uterine or cervical cancer later on either! Once that is done I am hoping to be able to return to work the first of March and get on with a "normal" life!!
Some parts of this journey have been really horrible and some parts have been joyous. It has changed me forever in so many ways and it's not done with me yet. I just pray that the rest of it goes as smoothly as possible and I am eventually able to move on with life.
My parents will be here a couple days before my surgery and I am so thankful for that. We'll have a full house for Christmas! I'm pretty excited about that! It feels weird to not have anything at all to do with our Living Christmas Tree this year though. I've not written any scripts or learned any songs. I really have no idea what they are even doing. I can't sing anyway right now. My singing voice is nonexistent. Hopefully, it will return once this is all over. Keep Scott in your prayers as he directs. My surgery is on Dec. 14 and the Tree begins the day after! He will be stressed I'm sure, but knowing my parents are here to take care of me will help!
This weeks prayer requests:
- Please pray that the neuropathy I am experiencing will go away and not get any worse.
- Pray for Scott and the choir as they prepare for the Living Christmas Tree.
- Please pray that I will be able to sleep. It has been a struggle lately.
- Please pray that my next treatment will go as planned and everything stays on schedule.
- Pray for my family, and my parents as they make the trip here in December.
- Begin praying now that my surgeries will all go smoothly.
- Pray for me to be brave, strong, stay well and stay positive.
Verse for the Day:
You are right. Menopause itself is NOT for sissies!! Hang in there sister. Praying!
ReplyDeleteCindy