The In-between....
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind." ~ C.S. Lewis
I'm in-between surgeries and treatments and I have to be careful not to let worry creep in. Today, as I sit here in my recliner, I feel good. I am finally starting to feel normal, or at least more normal than I have since the mastectomy & reconstruction. I don't have constant pain, really I don't have much pain at all. It's just more uncomfortable at times, usually when moving from laying down to standing up or vice versa. I can actually sleep on my side again, although not completely as comfortably as I did before. I think it has to do with not having any sensation across most of my chest. It's a very hard thing to describe. My physical therapy is going great! It is by no means any fun and often quite painful, but it has helped me SO much! I now have full range of motion in both of my shoulders again. What remains is to finish breaking up the tiny amount of cording (scar tissue) that remains and making certain I don't develop lymphedema with special massage that is really nothing more than a touch, to be honest. I never knew how important your lymphatic system was until I lost part of mine. It is just below your skin and is like a highway for fluid and waste to drain away. If that highway disappears then the fluid needs to find a different way around and that is what the lymphatic massage does. It teaches a new route. My therapists have been wonderful. I don't know how long I will have to continue going to physical therapy at this point. Because I have to have radiation, it puts me at a higher risk for Lymphedema so I may have to go for a while yet.
I've been reading up on the effects of radiation again and I think at this point I am going to stop and be determined to give it all up to God. The more I read, the more I worry. I will list specifics to pray for during radiation in my prayer list below.
My next real concern is my upcoming hysterectomy and oophorectomy (ovary removal). I think the latter is such a funny word! Oophorectomy...Ooph, I'm having my ovaries removed...LOL! I have to keep a sense of humor about all this, otherwise, I'll go crazy! I've also read as much as I can about this upcoming surgery and I guess the main thing I am worried about is the worsening of menopause symptoms. But, I look at it this way...generations of women have gone through this with little to no medical intervention and they survived it and so shall I. I cannot have any hormone replacement therapy for multiple reasons, the main one being the type of cancer I had feeds off of estrogen. I was never planning to have HRT, to begin with, due to other health issues, so no big disappointment there.
My hair is really starting to come in now. I have about a fourth of an inch standing straight up on my head. It is still quite thin and very soft like a babies hair. I can't tell yet if it will be curly or straight. At the moment it looks pretty straight. My hair used to be very, very curly and changed to wavy once my children were born. If I end up with really straight hair I won't know what to do! At this point though I really don't care. I just want enough hair to ditch the wig. It's itchy! My eyelashes are finally long enough to curl and my eyebrows are visible if not a bit fuzzy. I've never been so excited to put on mascara, LOL!
I am so happy to be able to be back at church and be back singing in the choir and praise team! I truly missed it! I didn't sing AT ALL for nearly 6 months. Chemo took a toll on my vocal cords so they are still a bit wobbly on the high notes. It's a bit frustrating but it is slowly coming back. As with my recovery from everything else, it'll just take time. In the meantime, I can do a GREAT Karen Carpenter imitation!
I have been told recently by several people that I am really tough. I don't feel tough. Someone else said, "You are always smiling. I don't think I could in your situation." First and foremost, I'm not tough. I have a savior who has carried me through everything. There is no way I can ever claim that I did any of this, got through any of this, by myself and by my own toughness. There have been many days that I cried, screamed, was angry, depressed, miserable and those were the times that God picked me up and carried me through to the next day, and the next, and the next. On those darkest days during chemo when I felt like I was going to die, He was there with me. I knew it in my soul, no matter how desperately sick I felt. He used you, my friends, to encourage me, to love me, to help me, to cheer me up and to pray me through the worst days of my life. I am here because you prayed and God heard your prayers. I will never be able to thank you all enough for that. I am eternally grateful. I smile because He loves me and because I have been loved in so many ways by each of you! I smile because I love Him and I love each of you and feel so very blessed to have you in my life! I've got a bit farther to go before I begin to put this journey behind me, but knowing that I have a God that will never leave me and loved ones who will be there to support me is what gives me courage, grit and determination and THAT is what makes me tough!
Today's Prayer Requests:
I'm in-between surgeries and treatments and I have to be careful not to let worry creep in. Today, as I sit here in my recliner, I feel good. I am finally starting to feel normal, or at least more normal than I have since the mastectomy & reconstruction. I don't have constant pain, really I don't have much pain at all. It's just more uncomfortable at times, usually when moving from laying down to standing up or vice versa. I can actually sleep on my side again, although not completely as comfortably as I did before. I think it has to do with not having any sensation across most of my chest. It's a very hard thing to describe. My physical therapy is going great! It is by no means any fun and often quite painful, but it has helped me SO much! I now have full range of motion in both of my shoulders again. What remains is to finish breaking up the tiny amount of cording (scar tissue) that remains and making certain I don't develop lymphedema with special massage that is really nothing more than a touch, to be honest. I never knew how important your lymphatic system was until I lost part of mine. It is just below your skin and is like a highway for fluid and waste to drain away. If that highway disappears then the fluid needs to find a different way around and that is what the lymphatic massage does. It teaches a new route. My therapists have been wonderful. I don't know how long I will have to continue going to physical therapy at this point. Because I have to have radiation, it puts me at a higher risk for Lymphedema so I may have to go for a while yet.
I've been reading up on the effects of radiation again and I think at this point I am going to stop and be determined to give it all up to God. The more I read, the more I worry. I will list specifics to pray for during radiation in my prayer list below.
My next real concern is my upcoming hysterectomy and oophorectomy (ovary removal). I think the latter is such a funny word! Oophorectomy...Ooph, I'm having my ovaries removed...LOL! I have to keep a sense of humor about all this, otherwise, I'll go crazy! I've also read as much as I can about this upcoming surgery and I guess the main thing I am worried about is the worsening of menopause symptoms. But, I look at it this way...generations of women have gone through this with little to no medical intervention and they survived it and so shall I. I cannot have any hormone replacement therapy for multiple reasons, the main one being the type of cancer I had feeds off of estrogen. I was never planning to have HRT, to begin with, due to other health issues, so no big disappointment there.
My hair is really starting to come in now. I have about a fourth of an inch standing straight up on my head. It is still quite thin and very soft like a babies hair. I can't tell yet if it will be curly or straight. At the moment it looks pretty straight. My hair used to be very, very curly and changed to wavy once my children were born. If I end up with really straight hair I won't know what to do! At this point though I really don't care. I just want enough hair to ditch the wig. It's itchy! My eyelashes are finally long enough to curl and my eyebrows are visible if not a bit fuzzy. I've never been so excited to put on mascara, LOL!
I am so happy to be able to be back at church and be back singing in the choir and praise team! I truly missed it! I didn't sing AT ALL for nearly 6 months. Chemo took a toll on my vocal cords so they are still a bit wobbly on the high notes. It's a bit frustrating but it is slowly coming back. As with my recovery from everything else, it'll just take time. In the meantime, I can do a GREAT Karen Carpenter imitation!
I have been told recently by several people that I am really tough. I don't feel tough. Someone else said, "You are always smiling. I don't think I could in your situation." First and foremost, I'm not tough. I have a savior who has carried me through everything. There is no way I can ever claim that I did any of this, got through any of this, by myself and by my own toughness. There have been many days that I cried, screamed, was angry, depressed, miserable and those were the times that God picked me up and carried me through to the next day, and the next, and the next. On those darkest days during chemo when I felt like I was going to die, He was there with me. I knew it in my soul, no matter how desperately sick I felt. He used you, my friends, to encourage me, to love me, to help me, to cheer me up and to pray me through the worst days of my life. I am here because you prayed and God heard your prayers. I will never be able to thank you all enough for that. I am eternally grateful. I smile because He loves me and because I have been loved in so many ways by each of you! I smile because I love Him and I love each of you and feel so very blessed to have you in my life! I've got a bit farther to go before I begin to put this journey behind me, but knowing that I have a God that will never leave me and loved ones who will be there to support me is what gives me courage, grit and determination and THAT is what makes me tough!
Today's Prayer Requests:
- Please continue to pray for my Grandmother, Mary Helton. She is still in rehab recovering from a car wreck that happened the day of my surgery. She's having a very hard time eating, so please pray specifically that she will be hungry and be able to eat so she can gain some weight back.
- Pray for my mom as she takes care of my Grandmother and as they arrange for where she will live when she gets out of rehab. Her insurance will not pay for assisted living and so they are still not sure what her living arrangements will be once she is released. She cannot be alone.
- Pray for me to continue to do well in Physical Therapy, for the scar tissue to all go away and that there will be no lymphedema issues.
- Pray for my upcoming surgery to go smoothly and my recovery to be as easy as possible. Also, pray that I will be patient through yet another recovery where I am unable to do much or lift anything and pray for Scott as he takes care of grumpy me!!
- Pray that I will have minimal side effects from radiation. Specifically that I will not develop more scar tissue causing issues with my reconstruction and that I will have minimal effects on my skin.
- Pray for my family.
- Pray for me to remain well, be brave, continue to get stronger and stay positive.
Verse for the Day:
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