Good Songs and Good News!
I saw the cardiologist today. Leading up to this visit I have been very worried and of course, went down several rabbit holes on Google that showed me the worst case scenarios. I can't help it. I'd rather know as much as I can so I can understand what they are telling me when I go to a specialist. It didn't do a lot for my stress levels, and it seems like every morning on my way to work was the easiest time to worry over it. But every day I would hear a song on the radio that would break through my worries and encourage me at just the right time. On the way to my appointment today, I heard Francesca Battistelli singing The Breakup Song...
"Fear you don't own, there ain't no room in this story, and I ain't got time for you telling me what I'm not like you know me, well guess what? I know who I am. I know I'm strong, brave, and I am free. Got my own identity. So fear, you will never be welcome here."
The perfect song at the perfect moment. God is good! I am happy to report that my Dr., who specializes in Onco-Cariology, calmed my fears. My heart is not failing, it is just irritated (pissed off in his words) from the Chemo and Radiation. There is not a lot they can do about that as this particular field of study is very new. He said they've learned so well how to kill cancer that they have only just realized that in the process they sometimes cause damage to the heart. They are just learning this because women are now surviving cancer and living longer. So, my current issue is that my ejection fraction is just below normal. That means that part of my heart is not squeezing as hard as it used to. He was honest and said right now, they don't know what to do about that. He said there are clinical trials going on where they are studying various treatments but there is no standardized treatment at this moment. Right now, what they recommend is a drug that is normally used for high blood pressure. It keeps the heart from working too hard and has the added benefit of lowering blood pressure. I, however, being unique as usual, have fairly low blood pressure and don't have much wiggle room for it to be lower. So, he has started me out on a very low dose of this medication to see if I can tolerate it. He said the current chance of my heart worsening is between 10-20% and taking this medication will lower it by at least half. I can live with that. All in all, it was good news and so now we start the meds and see if I can tolerate them well. He also gave me a prescription for Lasix, which I have had before, for swelling in my feet and ankles. I only have to take it if they swell up and become uncomfortable and that doesn't happen very often thankfully. I will see him once a year for an echocardiogram to make certain there are no changes. He said I have no risk factors for heart problems otherwise. Good to know!
As far as my recovery process goes, he told me that after what I have been through that my stamina is about that of a 70-year-old, but that it will get better. I am walking a mile and a half about 3-4 times a week and have already lost 6 pounds since I started my diet with Noom about 4 weeks ago. I've slacked off this week because I am fighting a nasty sinus infection that has me feeling horrible. I am SO ready for the weekend so I can just rest and recover!
I have physical therapy again this afternoon, but I feel so rotten I am just going to have my arm measured again to check swelling and not do much else. The new pump I got for my arm is working wonderfully! My arm hasn't swollen at all this week! What a miracle device! I am pretty sure they are going to release me either this week or next! Yay!! I see my oncologist on June 4th, for labs and a check-up and after that....my calendar is EMPTY for a while!! Woohoo!! I can't believe what I have been through since last June 29th. It has been equal parts nightmarish, amazing, terrifying and uplifting. It's a journey I hope I never have to take again, but one that I know has changed me for the better. I have decided I am throwing a PINK party the end of June!! Not sure of the details just yet, but planning will commence immediately!
If you are just now beginning your journey, don't be discouraged. It's hard, I know. Take it one day at a time, one little victory at a time, and never, ever forget that your Heavenly Father is holding on to you. Rest your head on His shoulder. He hears your every prayer and He loves you SO much! I know sometimes it may seem you've been forgotten. I know it's hard to understand why you have to travel this difficult road and I'll be honest, this side of heaven we may never understand. I was bitter at first and angry, and after I'd had my time of crying and screaming and shaking my fist, I finally got quiet and prayed for God to use that horrible situation to help and encourage others. That's when this blog was born and I can promise you it has helped me a thousand times more than anyone who has read it all. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend it! It's kept me grounded in God's love and provision, reminded me that I am not alone, and kept me sane on days I really thought I was going to lose my mind.
I end this post with this verse today, because be sure my friends, I haven't got it all together yet. I struggle daily with doubts and fears, but I have learned that I don't have to carry them around like a stone around my neck. God asks me to lay them down at His feet and let Him carry them and I am slowly getting better at it each day. I hope you will too.
Today's Verse:
Phillipians 3:12-14 from The Message
12-14 I’m not saying that I have it all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Today's Prayer Requests:
"Fear you don't own, there ain't no room in this story, and I ain't got time for you telling me what I'm not like you know me, well guess what? I know who I am. I know I'm strong, brave, and I am free. Got my own identity. So fear, you will never be welcome here."
The perfect song at the perfect moment. God is good! I am happy to report that my Dr., who specializes in Onco-Cariology, calmed my fears. My heart is not failing, it is just irritated (pissed off in his words) from the Chemo and Radiation. There is not a lot they can do about that as this particular field of study is very new. He said they've learned so well how to kill cancer that they have only just realized that in the process they sometimes cause damage to the heart. They are just learning this because women are now surviving cancer and living longer. So, my current issue is that my ejection fraction is just below normal. That means that part of my heart is not squeezing as hard as it used to. He was honest and said right now, they don't know what to do about that. He said there are clinical trials going on where they are studying various treatments but there is no standardized treatment at this moment. Right now, what they recommend is a drug that is normally used for high blood pressure. It keeps the heart from working too hard and has the added benefit of lowering blood pressure. I, however, being unique as usual, have fairly low blood pressure and don't have much wiggle room for it to be lower. So, he has started me out on a very low dose of this medication to see if I can tolerate it. He said the current chance of my heart worsening is between 10-20% and taking this medication will lower it by at least half. I can live with that. All in all, it was good news and so now we start the meds and see if I can tolerate them well. He also gave me a prescription for Lasix, which I have had before, for swelling in my feet and ankles. I only have to take it if they swell up and become uncomfortable and that doesn't happen very often thankfully. I will see him once a year for an echocardiogram to make certain there are no changes. He said I have no risk factors for heart problems otherwise. Good to know!
As far as my recovery process goes, he told me that after what I have been through that my stamina is about that of a 70-year-old, but that it will get better. I am walking a mile and a half about 3-4 times a week and have already lost 6 pounds since I started my diet with Noom about 4 weeks ago. I've slacked off this week because I am fighting a nasty sinus infection that has me feeling horrible. I am SO ready for the weekend so I can just rest and recover!
I have physical therapy again this afternoon, but I feel so rotten I am just going to have my arm measured again to check swelling and not do much else. The new pump I got for my arm is working wonderfully! My arm hasn't swollen at all this week! What a miracle device! I am pretty sure they are going to release me either this week or next! Yay!! I see my oncologist on June 4th, for labs and a check-up and after that....my calendar is EMPTY for a while!! Woohoo!! I can't believe what I have been through since last June 29th. It has been equal parts nightmarish, amazing, terrifying and uplifting. It's a journey I hope I never have to take again, but one that I know has changed me for the better. I have decided I am throwing a PINK party the end of June!! Not sure of the details just yet, but planning will commence immediately!
If you are just now beginning your journey, don't be discouraged. It's hard, I know. Take it one day at a time, one little victory at a time, and never, ever forget that your Heavenly Father is holding on to you. Rest your head on His shoulder. He hears your every prayer and He loves you SO much! I know sometimes it may seem you've been forgotten. I know it's hard to understand why you have to travel this difficult road and I'll be honest, this side of heaven we may never understand. I was bitter at first and angry, and after I'd had my time of crying and screaming and shaking my fist, I finally got quiet and prayed for God to use that horrible situation to help and encourage others. That's when this blog was born and I can promise you it has helped me a thousand times more than anyone who has read it all. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend it! It's kept me grounded in God's love and provision, reminded me that I am not alone, and kept me sane on days I really thought I was going to lose my mind.
I end this post with this verse today, because be sure my friends, I haven't got it all together yet. I struggle daily with doubts and fears, but I have learned that I don't have to carry them around like a stone around my neck. God asks me to lay them down at His feet and let Him carry them and I am slowly getting better at it each day. I hope you will too.
Today's Verse:
Phillipians 3:12-14 from The Message
12-14 I’m not saying that I have it all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Today's Prayer Requests:
- Praise for good news at Cardiologist today!!
- Please pray I will be able to tolerate the new meds and that they will do their job.
- Please pray that my heart will remain stable and continue to strengthen as I recover.
- Please pray that the swelling/lymphedema in my arm will remain stable and not get any worse and that the pump will continue to do its job.
- Please pray that I will be able to kick this sinus infection soon.
- Please pray for Jarod as he heads back to App State for some summer classes next week, for safe travels and for his summer semester to go well.
- Praise, Jarod made all A's this past semester! :)
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