Potholes and Prayers...

Have you ever been driving down the road when out of nowhere you hit a big ol’ pothole? Your tire slams into the hole, jars the whole car and you grab the steering wheel with both hands to keep from swerving off the road. Yesterday, my life hit another pothole. Let me explain…

Last week I called my Oncologist because my feet and ankles were swelling. The only reason I even mentioned it was because usually, if my feet or ankles swell, after resting all night they are back to normal, but this wasn’t the case. They were still swollen in the mornings too. He said he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but since I had taken a chemo drug that is known to sometimes cause heart damage, which could cause swelling, he wanted me to have an echocardiogram. Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from his nurse asking me if I already had a Cardiologist. She said that the echo showed abnormal strain on my heart and so they want me to go see a Cardiologist. Hello, pothole. I didn’t see you coming and frankly, I’m rather ticked off that you showed up on this otherwise smooth road to recovery. I mean, I knew this road wasn’t likely to be completely smooth but I never expected such a big, ugly ol’ pothole. But alas, here I am again impatiently waiting for more answers, angry that I've hit another pothole and wondering what the damage will be.

I have no idea what “abnormal strain” means. I don’t know if that means my heart isn’t pumping hard enough (which is what I suspect) or if it’s having to pump too hard. I don’t have high blood pressure. It is low. It has always been lower. At my last appointment, it was 97/65. This has been the norm my whole life. Anyway, I am very concerned, knowing that the Adriamycin I took can actually cause heart failure. I have been freaking out, to say the least. Any damage to the heart is a bad thing.

This morning, as I was driving into work, praying...thinking...worrying...not really listening to the music that was playing on the radio, suddenly the words of the song that was on broke through. Ok, I got the message, God.

Just Be Held by Casting Crowns     

Hold it all together,

Everybody needs you strong.
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on.
And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control,
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go.

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away,
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held.
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place.
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held.

Just be held, just be held.
If your eyes are on the storm,
You'll wonder if I love you still,
But if your eyes are on the cross, You'll know I always have and I always will. And not a tear is wasted. In time, you'll understand. I'm painting beauty with the ashes. Your life is in My hands.

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Today's Prayer Requests:

1. Please pray that I can an appointment very soon with the Cardiologist.
2. Please pray that it will be nothing serious and/or easily treatable.
3. Please pray for me to remain calm, strong and my attitude to remain positive.

Today's Verse: