My Heart is Heavy...
I wasn't able to be at church this morning but I listened to the sermon online. We have a wonderful Pastor and his words this morning really summed up what I've been thinking and feeling these past couple of days.
Twice now in the last three years, I have shaken hands and exchanged pleasantries with someone for the very last time. I didn't know then that it would be the last time. I had no idea it would be the last time on this Earth that I would say good morning, exchange a smile, a handshake or a hug. I had no idea that they were so depressed that they had given up on life. I had no idea that the darkness of depression had an iron grip on them and would soon cause them to take their own life. When I heard about my friend's suicide, I kept going over what we said to one another last Sunday morning. I kept thinking about what he said and how he said it...how he looked. He seemed cheerful, but I will say there was something that made me give him a second glance as I walked away. When I did he smiled back and waved. So I shook it off. I keep thinking maybe I should have spoken to him longer, made sure he was ok...but even if I had, there were no outward signs that he was considering taking his own life. He was always upbeat and encouraging to me in my battle against breast cancer. He was a breast cancer survivor as well and understood much of what I was going through in treatment. I'm so sad it ended this way. I'm so sad that he didn't feel comfortable enough to share with someone how he was feeling.
Loved ones, I've battled anxiety and depression for many years on and off. I have taken medication for it. I just recently weaned off of it as a matter of fact. I am blessed in that my battle has been intermittent over the years. I can remember feeling defeated when I had to go back on it nearly two years ago. There is a thought process out there that if you are a Christian and you have anxiety or depression...then you're just not depending on God enough, you're not trusting in His provision for your life enough. Loved ones, this is simply not true! We live in a dark, sinful, broken world. No matter how hard we try we cannot come out of it unscathed because not one of us is perfect. I have had nights that I lay in bed trembling with anxiety and fear. I have felt satan's hot breath as he whispered lie after lie in my ear. "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're a disappointment. If God loves you so much, why did He let this happen to you? You're going to die." NONE of it was true!! And thank God I went to my doctor and asked him for help! Please loved ones...if you EVER get to a place so dark and lonely that you think this world might be better off without you...PLEASE get help!! Call me....call your pastor....call your doctor....call a Help Line....but PLEASE don't even consider taking your own life! You are LOVED!! You are VALUED!! You are IMPORTANT!!
As our Pastor said this morning at the end of his sermon, "we've got to do better." We're all in this together. Not all of us have wounds on the outside, but it doesn't make them any less painful. If you are struggling right now and need to find some help, please see the links I am posting below. And of course, you can feel free to contact me at any time. We're in this together my friends. Let's do our best to ensure we leave no one behind.
Much Love,
Amy
Twice now in the last three years, I have shaken hands and exchanged pleasantries with someone for the very last time. I didn't know then that it would be the last time. I had no idea it would be the last time on this Earth that I would say good morning, exchange a smile, a handshake or a hug. I had no idea that they were so depressed that they had given up on life. I had no idea that the darkness of depression had an iron grip on them and would soon cause them to take their own life. When I heard about my friend's suicide, I kept going over what we said to one another last Sunday morning. I kept thinking about what he said and how he said it...how he looked. He seemed cheerful, but I will say there was something that made me give him a second glance as I walked away. When I did he smiled back and waved. So I shook it off. I keep thinking maybe I should have spoken to him longer, made sure he was ok...but even if I had, there were no outward signs that he was considering taking his own life. He was always upbeat and encouraging to me in my battle against breast cancer. He was a breast cancer survivor as well and understood much of what I was going through in treatment. I'm so sad it ended this way. I'm so sad that he didn't feel comfortable enough to share with someone how he was feeling.
Loved ones, I've battled anxiety and depression for many years on and off. I have taken medication for it. I just recently weaned off of it as a matter of fact. I am blessed in that my battle has been intermittent over the years. I can remember feeling defeated when I had to go back on it nearly two years ago. There is a thought process out there that if you are a Christian and you have anxiety or depression...then you're just not depending on God enough, you're not trusting in His provision for your life enough. Loved ones, this is simply not true! We live in a dark, sinful, broken world. No matter how hard we try we cannot come out of it unscathed because not one of us is perfect. I have had nights that I lay in bed trembling with anxiety and fear. I have felt satan's hot breath as he whispered lie after lie in my ear. "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're a disappointment. If God loves you so much, why did He let this happen to you? You're going to die." NONE of it was true!! And thank God I went to my doctor and asked him for help! Please loved ones...if you EVER get to a place so dark and lonely that you think this world might be better off without you...PLEASE get help!! Call me....call your pastor....call your doctor....call a Help Line....but PLEASE don't even consider taking your own life! You are LOVED!! You are VALUED!! You are IMPORTANT!!
As our Pastor said this morning at the end of his sermon, "we've got to do better." We're all in this together. Not all of us have wounds on the outside, but it doesn't make them any less painful. If you are struggling right now and need to find some help, please see the links I am posting below. And of course, you can feel free to contact me at any time. We're in this together my friends. Let's do our best to ensure we leave no one behind.
Much Love,
Amy
- Help through Text Message: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor.
- Hope Line: CALL OR TEXT: 919-231-4525 | 1-877-235-4525
- U.S. Veterans Suicide Prevention Hotline is available at 1-800-273-8255
(Press "1") - National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 - Available 24 hours every day
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