WARRIOR MODE RE-ACTIVATED!!
Don't worry, I am doing GREAT!! However, due to slight damage the AC chemo did to my heart 2 years ago, I am going to be starting the CORE Cardiac Rehab program at Cape Fear Heart Associates! It begins December 1st and goes through the end of February. I'm very excited about this! But let's go back to the beginning for a minute.
On this date 2 years ago, I had my LAST chemo! I had such a big bag of mixed emotions that day. I was SO glad it was going to be OVER but I was also totally dreading the next week because let's face it, chemo sucks! Unless you've been through it there is no way to describe how horrible it makes you feel. But, here I sit 2 years later having survived it and the nasty cancer that caused me to have to be poisoned in the first place. Today, I don't feel that sickness anymore, but I do have the residual side effects it caused.
The first four rounds of chemo I had was called AC (short for Adriamycin and Cyclophosamide) and also called the "Red Devil" because it is bright red and it is VERY rough. This is what caused the damage to my heart. I have slightly reduced strain in my lower left ventricle, which means it doesn't squeeze quite hard enough. Last year when I met with the Cardiologist, I was put on a half dose of blood pressure medicine to make certain my blood pressure would never get high. Honestly, I have always had very low blood pressure (98/65 is norm for me) so this was a little baffling, but he is the doctor, not me. The meds haven't affected me too much so that is good. But I left that appointment a year ago terrified I was going to die of heart failure after surviving cancer! He told me to continue taking the meds, that it seemed to keep it from happening or at the least would hold it off for years. That was not very optimistic in my opinion. But in the last year, they have discovered some interesting things and so my appointment with him was VERY different! When I met with the Cardiologist this year, he told me several things I did not know.
1. I need to understand that I was poisoned (chemo) with some very bad stuff and you don't just bounce back from that. It can take YEARS to recover from what the chemo did to my body.
This made me feel so much better! I mean, I thought I wasn't recovering at the rate I should and I was so frustrated! But this encouraged me, oddly enough, that I'm not an acceptation or doing anything wrong. It just takes time!
2. Fifteen years ago the odds of surviving breast cancer were not very good. Fast forward to today and most people DO survive it! Of course that means that now the survivors and their doctors are discovering the long term side effects of chemo and how to treat them. Nearly 100% of survivors complain of shortness of breath when doing anything from climbing a flight of stairs to making the bed! (Those darn fitted sheets!!) They are discovering that Cardiac Rehab geared specifically for cancer survivors, is helping tremendously and often reversing mild heart damage like mine!!
Of course this was VERY exciting to me!! This is something I can physically DO to improve the health of my heart and thus improve how I feel overall! I am PUMPED!! I also have to say that I HATE EXERCISING, LOL, aerobic activity in particular....but hey, I hated chemo too but I drug myself in there every two weeks and let them pump that poison into my veins....so this will be 100% less painful than that!
3. They have just started the CORE program for cancer survivors at CFHC and he said I was the ideal candidate!
I will attend for 12 weeks with a group of 10 women in all stages of treatment or recovery. They are VERY stringent with the COVID protocols, so we will each have our own socially distanced chair, a bucket with a blood pressure cuff & stethoscope & where I can place my keys and such and we will wear a mask at all times. They will give me an individual exercise prescription and monitor me with heart rate and blood pressure checks during the workout. We will exercise for about 30-45 minutes, then go to some relaxation training & yoga. I will also have access to a nutritionist.
At the screening I had for this, they gave me some papers to fill out and one was the "Hospital Depression/Anxiety Screening Form" You answer the questions and then tally the results. Turns out I do not have depression...I do however (not shocking to me at all) have Anxiety. Well, I know that I have anxiety and have had it most of my life! I know that the bible tells us to "Fear Not" 365 times. I know that I can lay all my cares at His feet and I do, every day. I admit I sometimes pick them back up a few times, as I am certain many people do. But I also know that what I have is irrational, completely spontaneous moments of panic. Sometimes, there's no good reason. This is the response my body has learned because of what I have been through and it is something I cannot control. That loss of control makes me even more anxious. It is a vicious cycle. They will also offer some counseling through this program and that is a good thing! I definitely need some techniques to calm myself when this happens. I had a panic attack last Sunday. It was horrible and I ended up crying for about 30 minutes, mostly out of frustration. This is not me. I am strong! I am a "suck it up buttercup" kind of person!! But it just emphasized that I do not have to carry those burdens alone. I have a loving Savior who has asked me to let Him carry them for me and I need to not be so stubborn that I don't allow Him to do so.
So, I am RE-ACTIVATING WARRIOR MODE!! I will do my best to post updates on how things are going and to ask you to pray for me as I continue on this journey to healing. Today, I have so many blessings! I am cancer-free PTL!!! I just got a promotion at work and have my very own office! WOW!! Not to mention, I LOVE my job and the people I work with!! I have three amazing sons with three amazing women by their side!! And I have my sweet hubby who takes such good care of me, endures my moods, my complaints, shares in my accomplishments and my dreams, and just keeps loving me. I have a Savior, who loves me beyond any measurement, who sacrificed Himself to save me and asks me to let Him carry my burdens. What more could a girl ask for??
Prayer Requests & Praises
- PRAY for understanding as I have to work out my schedule at work to accommodate the Cardiac Rehab classes. They are Tuesday & Thursday from 3:30-5:00, starting on Dec. 1 thru the end of Feb. I am hoping I have enough sick leave to cover most of it.
- PRAISE that the damage can be reversed and I am hoping for a 100% reversal! My God can do anything & I am going to WORK for it!!
- PRAY for me to stay healthy during this time so I don't have to miss any classes and pray for the other women who will be participating as well.
- PRAISE that I got a promotion at work!! I am SO excited about it!!
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