Warrior Mode Activated

I've been struggling a bit lately with my "new normal". I've tried my best to remain positive. Things could definitely be SO much worse. Yet, I am not the same person anymore...not physically or mentally or spiritually. That's not necessarily a bad thing I suppose in some aspects. And yet...I think it is the physical side of things that I am struggling with the most. I don't mean to sound like I am complaining. I am so very grateful just to be alive! But I am also not the "me" I was before. I have physical limits now that I simply cannot deny. I have pain now that I must learn to live with for the rest of my days. There are days when it really gets me down. I'm not superhuman and some days the positive attitude gives way to weariness. If anything I want anyone reading this, who has had a struggle like mine, to understand there will be days like this when you just don't feel strong enough to face it...days when you just need to crawl up in yo...

I'm home sick today. I've had a busting sinus headache since Monday and it finally got the best of me. Heading to CVS in a bit to sign my life away for some Sudafed and get my 100-mile long receipt. When I got up this morning at 5am to get ready for work (have I mentioned I'm not a fan of summer hours?) I immediately knew something wasn't right when I leaned violently to the left. Thankfully my room is a piled up mess right now so instead of just falling down I pinballed my way to the bathroom. Apparently, this sinus mess has made its way to my inner ear. This happens a few times a year and there's nothing to be done about it but decongest and try not to move my head suddenly.  So, I took a sick day...as if I have any of those left at this point! Yep, apparently, my sarcasm is indeed fully intact today though. Sorry in advance. This past week I gave in to worry again. I noticed my collar bone is sore. Now, of course, for most people you just think, oh I strained ...

Thought I'd post just a little update, and shamelessly ask for you to join my TEAM this October (see below)!! I think back to this time last year and I'm amazed at how my life is different. Last year, on June 29th, my world changed forever. I was in the depths of despair. Today, I'm happy, as healthy as I can be after what I've been through, and getting better each day. If you had told me on this day a year ago what I was about to go through I wouldn't have believed you. All in all, I have been very blessed though. I never required hospitalization during 4 months of very strong chemo and managed to come away without neuropathy or major heart damage. I sailed through 3 surgeries without complications and radiation without debilitating side effects or burns. Don't get me wrong, there were days I felt worse than I ever have in my life and days when I was in so much pain and so tired I could barely move, but it was all temporary. On the worst days, as I drifted i...

I saw the cardiologist today. Leading up to this visit I have been very worried and of course, went down several rabbit holes on Google that showed me the worst case scenarios. I can't help it. I'd rather know as much as I can so I can understand what they are telling me when I go to a specialist. It didn't do a lot for my stress levels, and it seems like every morning on my way to work was the easiest time to worry over it. But every day I would hear a song on the radio that would break through my worries and encourage me at just the right time. On the way to my appointment today, I heard Francesca Battistelli singing The Breakup Song... "Fear you don't own, there ain't no room in this story, and I ain't got time for you telling me what I'm not like you know me, well guess what? I know who I am. I know I'm strong, brave, and I am free. Got my own identity. So fear, you will never be welcome here." The perfect song at the perfect moment. G...

Have you ever been driving down the road when out of nowhere you hit a big ol’ pothole? Your tire slams into the hole, jars the whole car and you grab the steering wheel with both hands to keep from swerving off the road. Yesterday, my life hit another pothole. Let me explain… Last week I called my Oncologist because my feet and ankles were swelling. The only reason I even mentioned it was because usually, if my feet or ankles swell, after resting all night they are back to normal, but this wasn’t the case. They were still swollen in the mornings too. He said he didn’t think it was anything to worry about, but since I had taken a chemo drug that is known to sometimes cause heart damage, which could cause swelling, he wanted me to have an echocardiogram. Yesterday afternoon, I got a call from his nurse asking me if I already had a Cardiologist. She said that the echo showed abnormal strain on my heart and so they want me to go see a Cardiologist. Hello, pothole. I didn’t see you comi...

"A strong woman knows she has strength enough for the journey...a woman of strength knows it on the journey that she will become strong." ~ Luke Easter First things first, overall I am doing very well. I am gaining strength each day and feeling better physically. I still have days when I hit a wall and I am just utterly and completely exhausted for no apparent reason. On those days I really have no other choice but to slow down and rest because I simply cannot function. Thankfully, those days are getting fewer and farther in between. As of today, the cancer is gone. The treatments did their job. There is never a 100% guarantee it won't come back one day, but the chances are small. The doctors threw everything they had at it and though I came out the other side quite beaten up, I am grateful for all they did for me. My hair is starting to curl as it grows back in. I figured it might. My hair was VERY curly when I was younger, but with each pregnancy, it got straighter...

“Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God. Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the ninety-nine. I couldn't earn it, and I don't deserve it, still, You give Yourself away. Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.” ~ Wreckless Love - Cory Asbury If I could hope that one thing has been clear through the journey I’ve been on the last nine months it is this...that the God I love didn’t abandon me. He loved me through it and you, loved ones, were His hands and feet. His love is overwhelming, never-ending, and He recklessly gave it to all of us when He took our punishment on the cross. I am so thankful that He put you all in my life. Each one of you in one way or another has helped me make it through. I am not strong. My God is strong and He carried me through. When I first found out I had breast cancer I cried harder than I ever have in my life and yes, I did ask “Why me?” those first few days. But soon after, wh...